A Journey for One

by Noah Matthews
Copyright 2009

I thought this was a journey for as many as were willing
I thought I had to collect people, sing, cajole, amuse
whatever it took to convince them to come along

No matter how many people I collected
No matter how many email addresses, cell phone numbers, or entries in the contact list
it didn't abate, it didn't cease

The doubt

The voice like metal being pulled thin against its will
The sorrow of watching dreams die one by one
The march of time across my face, digging into the marrow of my bones

Suddenly you realize that no one is responsible for your happiness
Only you are
No soul wrapped in flesh, no memory, and no hope cradled in your palms like an ember shielded against the wind

There will always be someone richer, smarter, more talented
gleaming with all that calls out to our flesh
and seemingly untouched by failure, doubt, or despair

And so you find yourself in a room of 100 faces
and yet you feel all alone
and you ask
why in a world with so many places can't I count just one my own

Black and white drop from my sight and only grey remains....

And there it is
Me alone
And if I am to find happiness, if I am to shake off the years of oppression
I must do it
Alone